DC Web Women.org - Getting Back on Track

Life at Work Column

Getting back on track after the national disaster - while much is still uncertain ...

There's been a national disaster. No one denies that. Many of us are noticing changes in ourselves. We may find that we are a bit more antsy or circumspect. We attempt to go about our daily business but we find that we are distracted, on edge, less focused and irritable. Our sleep isn't quite the same. And, whatever we do when we are under stress, whether we overeat, overwork, over-exercise, drink, bite our nails, compulsively clean house, talk to much, withdraw, or something else, we are noticing, much to our chagrin: we are doing more of it. Worse yet, for many of us, we feel guilty about it.

In the workplace

In the workplace, it's difficult to know what to do.  Everyone appears to be going along, "business as usual" but it isn't business as usual.  Here in Washington, at many workplaces, security has been tightened.  Although most workers don't admit it publicly, in private, many report that their concentration and productivity is impaired.  Many workers are reporting an increase in "petty arguments", noting that the tension is affecting how they interact with each other.  And many, if not most, people seem to be worried about "keeping on track".

In some workplaces, some workers are able to talk with one another about their anxieties and fears.  In others, this sort of talk is taboo.  Complicating matters further, some workers find it useful and reassuring to discuss their anxieties with coworkers.  For these individuals, such discussions can be useful in helping them to regain their focus.  For others, this sort of talk serves to exacerbate their anxiety, they find it intrusive or disruptive.  Consequently, coworkers may not always experience each others efforts, albeit well-intended, to be supportive as helpful or useful.

Most workers are struggling to be inclusive, but there has been an increase in hate crimes and racial tensions.  Many people who have seen themselves and accepting, inclusive and fair are reporting intolerance of diversity.  We have been the victims of terrorist attacks, we feel unsafe.  It feels unfair.  We want someone to blame.  A coworker from a different ethnic background represents an easy, identifiable, albeit unfair, target.   While this sort of behavior is intolerable and unacceptable, it is understandable.

With friends and lovers

Friendships and romantic relationships are feeling the strain, too. Many people are reporting the chronic tension, worry, in some cases, sleep deprivation, are wreaking their toll. They note that they find themselves in more conflicts over things that they recognize are trivial.

Another source of strain in relationships is that the terrorists attacks have forced us to identify what is truly valuable to us -- do we have it? If we don't have it, why not? And, how and where can we find it? For those in satisfying relationships, it is a time to invest more fully in them and to appreciate them. For those who are dissatisfied, the situation poses more of a challenge: they may wonder what steps can they take to get what they want out of their relationships. Such wonderings may take the form of letting others know about their needs, hopes and expectations and disappointments. While this kind of communication can lead to greater intimacy and commitment, it can also lead to dissolution of relationships and loss.

With children

Being around children at this time is both wonderful and challenging. For all of us, the children represent our future and hope. And, for many, they bring a special joy. We want to keep children safe, not just physically but psychologically. Yet, this is difficult to do because we are frightened ourselves. And, as anyone who is around children has experienced first-hand, they pick up on our anxiety.

In the community

Many have reached out to the community. Yet, at the same time, many are feeling beleaguered by the chronic anxiety inherent in our current situation.

Getting back on track

So, what steps should we take to get back "on track". While there are no panaceas, here are some steps:

Realize that we are NEVER going to be fully "back on track". Our lives have changed permanently and irreparably. That having been said, that doesn't mean that we can't find the silver lining in a horrible, horrible cloud by focusing on and further developing that which is good and meaningful in our lives.

At Work

If you are a President or a Manager

Recognize that your workers are having some difficulty focusing, and find a way to make allowances. Help employees to focus on those goals that are truly important to the future of the business and modify your expectations, at least in the short-run.

Create opportunities for those workers who want and need to talk about their feelings to do so in a safe context. Provide both individual and group contexts for doing this. To do this effectively, bring in outside trained, mental health professionals. If your business is small and you can't afford the cost, contact your local psychoanalytic institute, psychological association or other mental health organization and ask for their help.

Develop a zero tolerance policy for any kind of racist behavior. Talk privately with members of groups most vulnerable to victimization. Tell them that you are committed to and serious about providing a safe and supportive work environment. Ask whether they have felt excluded or victimized in any way. Ask how you might be helpful to them.

Also, talk with your staff and your direct reports. Tell them that this sort of behavior will not be tolerated. Help them to develop preemptory strategies.

If employees do not have private offices, create opportunities for employees to have frequent breaks, and a bit of "down time". Create a way in which employees can regularly check in on children or aging family members during their work day.

Beyond promoting an employee-friendly atmosphere, research shows that for many people, being listened to by a person trained in empathic listening reduces stress. Thus, these kinds of opportunities allow the employee to get back to work and to improve the bottom-line. Only one caveat: these kinds of groups or individual meetings, must be elective, no one should feel that they are in any way penalized for not participating.

Make it easy for employees to seek help on their own. Allow them to create a bit of "flex time". That is, create a figleaf. Give people something that they can say so that they don't have to confess to you that they have an appointment with their psychologist in the middle of the day.

For employees

Recognize that different people need different kinds of help, support and acceptance. Don't make assumptions. Ask your coworkers how you can be helpful and supportive.

With friends and lovers

If we learned anything from September 11, 2001, we learned that you never know how long you have. Now, is the time to clarify your goals in your relationships and in your life. Talk with your significant others. Formulate joint goals. If you do not share joint goals, talk about how you might work out your differences and/or whether the relationship is truly a satisfying one.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Life may be short. Focus only on that which is truly important to you. And, when you find yourself bickering, about something trivial, with the important people in your life, stop and ask yourself, "what is this really about"? Consider the idea that it could be a reflection of the current zeitgeist.

With children

Reassure your children that they are safe. Talk with them for about a plan for being in touch in an emergency.

Let them know how special they are to you.

Talk with your children about their fears. Seek professional help if your child is experiencing recurrent nightmares, irritability, fearfulness, sleeplessness or chronic anxiety.

In the community

Now is a good time to focus on what is truly important to you. If you and your loved ones tend to be over-extended, this is a good time to reassess your priorities and focus on what is truly important to you.

Reach out to the community. Whatever your background or interest or training, there is something that you can give back to the community. Perhaps you can donate blood, services or money. Not only does giving to community feels good and creates a feeling of connectedness.

Should you seek professional evaluation?

Answer true or false to the following questions and find out.

Since the September 11, 2001 disaster:

I have been excessively worried to the point that it is difficult for me to get anything done.
I have difficulty settling down and working on a project to the point that I am way behind in my work.
I have difficulty concentrating to the point where I can not function at work or at home.
Most nights, I have difficulty falling asleep or my sleep is fitful and restless.
My hands are sweaty and damp.
Frequently, I am irritable and am coming into conflict with friends and coworkers.
I am chronically fatigued.
My worry makes it difficult for me to function in my relationships.
I experience a lot of muscle tension.
These are symptoms of anxiety disorder. All of us are experiencing some of them, understandably, at this difficult time. If any of these symptoms persist seek support from friends and loved ones. If the symptoms do not yield, consider a psychological evaluation.

If you have a question or want to suggest a topic, contact Dr. Friedman at drlynnfriedman@mindspring.com.

The advice and suggestions in this column are solely those of the author. DC Web Women assumes no responsibility for its content. The site does not provide psychological or work-life advice to any specific individual. Rather, the content is intended to be for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have any concerns regarding a psychological or work-life difficulty, seek professional evaluation. Do not disregard professional advice or delay in seeking it because of anything that you have read on this web site.