By Vicki J. Goodman, L.C.S.W.

STRESS. It’s something we all know about and have experienced in a myriad of versions. Stress is often felt as a result not only of what we do and what comes our way, but in how much we do…the sheer quantity of tasks, production, and accomplishments.

In the internet technology business, working faster often only results in more and more work. It’s expected of you and you learn to expect it of yourself. There’s an inculcation of the value, the more done, the more successful. This can manifest in working long hours, taking on more projects to compensate for layoffs, caring for children, or caring for a sick loved one. The "right thing to do" remains a conflicted mess between "quality time" with children or the benefits of being home full time to provide the constancy of a full time care giver along with making time for oneself for proper nutrition, exercise, and intellectual cultivation, juxtaposed against climbing the career ladder.

We’ve come to believe that we "want it all." This might stem from the conditioned greed of the American culture. There’s a striving to be the "super woman," who has learned to balance career and family in a beautifully fit and fashionable package. The insidious belief is that the more we do, the more we are! The more we are, the more we can do. It’s like being on a nonstop train.

While I often agree that daily exercise, good nutrition, candle-lit baths, book club, yoga, time for friends, dancing, spiritual life, etc. are sound recommendations, these still add to what feels like an already too busy life. If you can manage to add yoga classes and can get there without stressing out, by all means go for it. But, be careful not to approach your good personal health intentions with the same drive you do creating those extra web sites at a faster pace for your professional best. In fact, when we get so caught up on the web and in the web, we can easily lose sight of what really matters. When we are trained to work at cyber speed, the tendency is to actually think that way as well. It’s a natural part of socialization into the work-specific culture. Compounding less than conscious and fast-paced fashionable beliefs regarding one’s life goals can put you on automatic pilot. Your sentiments then might be, "How did I wind up here?" "I’ve never really liked this job," or "This isn’t the kind of life I wanted but I don’t know what else to do."

While painful and disillusioning, this can be a seminal time for reflection – slowing the mind and observing our own beliefs. Slowing down thinking can allow us to recognize and question what our beliefs really are and how they were formed. There’s an opportunity for aligning our beliefs with who we are personally. The mind can temporarily slow down when we ask ourselves, "What really matters to me right now?" or, more simply, "What really matters?" This is a particularly useful question when the stress level is high. It can get us out of the pettiness of a situation and see the bigger picture. Asking what really matters can help us to slow down and calm ourselves. It’s best to consciously ask this of ourselves several times in a row because the answer can change, and, more importantly, the experience of the self can change too. You might notice you can breathe a little more deeply or that the knot in your stomach eases. Particularly for daily pressures, there’s a tendency to stress over stressing. When we can remember to slow the thinking enough to ask, "What really matters here?" there can be a change in the quality of experience. It's a simple question, but hard to remember to do– so forgive yourself if you try and it doesn’t happen right away. This is the caveat: don't push yourself to do more and then feel you’ve failed if you don’t accomplish what you set out to do. There will be plenty of opportunities to stop and ask, "Now, what really matters here?"

Vicki J. Goodman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in private practice. With over twenty years clinical experience, she offers a mindfulness- and competency-based psychotherapy for adults and couples. Ms. Goodman has offices in Dupont Circle and Chevy Chase, Maryland.