A Graceful Exit

A Guest Column by R. Anne Hull

Exiting a working relationship is an emotional and sensitive experience. It generally occurs over months, not minutes. There is a realization that things are not going to change and that YOU need to make the change. For some of us that is a major hurdle. Too often we don't pay attention to the signs of an impending downsizing. For some it happens when a new opportunity is offered and we want to further our career. For yet others it occurs in a fit of anger and frustration. How we act on the decision to leave a job is critical to our professional reputation, career success and our ability to be comfortable with ourselves n the long term.

A Couple of Tips in Making the Decision

Don't just think about "getting out." Consider what you'll be leaving behind. Remember why you signed on in the first place. No matter how boring or unfulfilling your job has become, you probably took the job for some good reasons. Think about those reasons and whether they're still valid before you commit to leaving. Never resign until you have a firm commitment from the next employer. The commitment should be in writing and include: the starting date, annual starting salary, bonus information (if any), the work schedule and documentation explaining the benefit package.

Preparing for the Event

Resigning your job can be an emotional situation—sad, angry or joyful—all of which need to be expressed at the appropriate time and place. Consider the overall outcome you want from your resignation conversation. Don't think of it as your old job, but as your newest reference. Regardless of the reason, resigning is a process, not just a single act. If you are very angry, give yourself some time to consider if resignation is the right thing to do. If you are ecstatic about your new opportunity, try not to gloat.

The letter. Once your commitment to leave is assured, you are ready to begin the resignation process. It is best to resign both verbally and in writing. Prepare a simple business letter for your manager with a copy for Human Resources. Keep one for your file too. Include today's date, your manager's name, title and the facility name. You can be as simple as, "Effective [date], I am resigning my position as [title] in the [department]." Print your name and include your signature. Sign all copies. Don't go into detail about your reasons for leaving in the letter. Putting things in writing at this stage could be counterproductive. Save that for the conversation.

Choose a time to inform your manager when s/he can give you undivided attention and you have 5–10 minutes to talk. Don't leave the letter on her/his desk, or send it in advance. Give her/him the letter in person. (See below for working with an off-site manager.)

What to Say

Tell your boss up front that you're leaving. Consider starting with, "I offer my resignation effective…." Get right to the point. This shows you are serious about the decision. Give her/him whatever flexibility you can on the exit date. Then hand her/him the letter. Keep this conversation short and to the point—stay focused on what is ahead of you and speak positively.

Tell your boss why you're leaving. We've been taught "never lie," but also you should never hurt someone's feelings. Give an honest reason, such as you "have recognized the need to move on with your career and have found a good next step." Or, you are "basically satisfied but have an offer you can't refuse" (e.g., shorter commute, exceptional salary, greater responsibilities), or you "need to relocate."

You need to keep any negative feelings to yourself especially if you need this person/organization as a reference, or may work with them in the future. If you're adamant about airing gripes, do it face-to-face and in a constructive manner (something they could do better, not just what is wrong).

If you are leaving because of unsatisfactory working conditions or other negative reasons, it is best to just focus on the positive aspects of the new position. You might say, "Working more independently and supervising others is the next logical step in my career advancement."

"Why are you leaving?" That is a key question you need to be able to answer. Lots of people want to know. You don't need to air dirty laundry or reveal that you hit the lottery—just be gracious. "I have an opportunity to move into…" or "It was an offer I could not ignore to further my career."

"Where are you going?" This is the second key question you need to be able to answer. It is both as a matter of curiosity as well as to ascertain competitive issues. Consider if it is best to share details of where you will be going or what you will be doing other than in general terms.

Don't be surprised if you are asked to leave the building immediately to avoid taking any confidential or proprietary information. Regardless of whether you're going to a competitor, or moving to the beach to collect starfish, your employer may be nervous about losing company secrets.

Express appreciation for past training, experiences or relationships. Even if you're really angry or unhappy, find something good to say. Who knows, thinking about the good stuff might be good therapy! "This was a difficult decision for me. I've learned a lot here and I've enjoyed working with you and the entire team. But in order for me to keep progressing in my career, I couldn't turn down an opportunity to…."

Close on an "up." In hundreds of ways your new opportunity can turn to dust. You may find yourself working with your current boss/colleagues again in a different organization in the future. So use your last line to keep a connection open. Try something like, "I hope our paths cross again."

Don't bluff! Pretending to resign to get a counter offer from your current employer ultimately backfires. You may get an initial boost in pay or promotion, but you've proved that you are not committed to the team or organization. This jeopardizes your future advancement as well as working relationships—you are not seen as trustworthy. Before accepting a counteroffer ask yourself, "Why did the employer wait until you resigned before attempting to improve conditions, increase your salary, offer a promotion, etc.?" The counteroffer could be a way to stall until you can be replaced. Often, your reasons for wanting to leave will not be resolved and in a few months, and you will have to find a new job again.

Maintain your Connections

Being in limbo. The time between resigning and actually leaving can be awkward. Some organizations require a minimum of two weeks notice, other need more. But in some cases, where there is sensitive information, you may need to be ready to walk out the door when you announce your resignation. Think about the pride you take in your work and what needs to be finished or documented. Give yourself and your employer appropriate time to make this transition. Be considerate of your successor—no need to punish him/her by leaving things in a mess. Prepare a list of what is pending and what needs to be done soon. Consider removing your personal items unobtrusively over a period of time such that on the day of your departure, you can leave with only your final papers in hand. Make sure you know what you can and cannot take with you (things, information, products, etc.). How you exit leaves as much of an impression and affects your reputation as anything else you may have done.

Consider the feelings of your co-workers and customers in losing their working relationships with you. These may range from expressions of goodwill and congratulations to absolute envy. Be courteous in all conversations about leaving.

Last day activities. As your last day draws near, you may be asked to schedule an exit interview. Exit interviews provide you with information regarding pay and benefits. You will be asked to turn in all access and identification cards, credit cards, keys and company equipment. Exit conversations are also a means for your employer to learn what they need to retain key employees. Be honest about your reasons for leaving but be careful if you feel a need to criticize peers and/or supervisors. Remember, very seldom are people problems one-sided.

Think about the people who have given you support and thank them. Choose the people who are important to keep in touch with in the future and are going to remain your network contacts. Be sure you send them your new contact information. Say good-bye and shake hands with your boss to close this particular professional relationship.

When Your Manager is Off-site…

Many of us no longer work face-to-face with our managers. If you are geographically apart from your manager and there is no option to have this conversation in person, here are some alternatives:

• Schedule a phone call appointment with your manager. Let her/him know it is very important and effects work completion.
• Get to the point quickly saying that you preferred to have this conversation in person. Thank her for her time. Then state your resignation as described above.
• Following the conversation, not before, e-mail your letter of resignation with return receipt request.

R. Anne Hull is an independent consultant in career development for corporate programs. Anne helps companies retain and increase their intellectual capital through effective change management strategies, performance management consulting and training. She is currently serving as President of the DC chapter of the Association of Career Professionals, International. Contact her at ahull@comcast.net.

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