"What do you do in a situation where you feel that you are being treated in a sexist manner…? I have known two male employers…[who are] careful not to say anything blatant to your face [but] seemed to demonstrate such an attitude through their actions.?" (Question from a member.)

Some men do have a problem with women in the workplace based solely on gender. While society, in general, has changed regarding women's "roles" not every person has kept pace. The challenge for women in business is what to do about this situation, and how to handle this powerful feeling of unjustified bias.

I have experienced this myself. There is a great emotional and intellectual conflict associated with making the judgment that a man acts towards you based solely on gender. Is the judgment of sexism an overreaction? Is it a misinterpretation? Is it personality and not gender? This overhead makes it harder to resolve. How do women sort it out?

Gender bias can be a reasonable conclusion. There are serious remedies for this. But there also can be, and usually are, other issues influencing workplace behavior and how both men and women perceive it.

A fair-minded woman will always take a personal inventory when this situation occurs. After all, the only person you can confidently control and influence is yourself. Step outside the situation as best you can and observe. Addressing the other issues will empower you with actionable tasks, and not leave you a victim.

For example, how does your own personality interact with the man's personality? Most men react strongly to an assertive and aggressive woman. The feedback and criticism that they readily would take from another man has an extra sting coming from a woman. Is this an issue in your situation? How can you change it?

It should not be that way in business, but it is. Men today struggle mightily, and for the most part sincerely, with the new rules for working with women in business. Men have told me that they remain almost constantly confused about how to act and react. For men there is very little precedent for appropriate conduct and much history of old ways.

Take that personal inventory. Sincerely work to find out what may also be influencing the interaction. Adapt to what you discover. Take responsibility, take action and take risks.

Change the situation as much as you possibly can. Be kind and thoughtful. Open your mind and heart to the possibility that this could be a personal, human problem between two people, that is compounded by gender. Work hard to understand the relationship and then take action to alter it.

Action is how to achieve resolution and change.

If working the problem yourself does not effect change, then take the risk of speaking up. Express your concerns to the man in a private conversation, in honest, but non-confrontational language. Tell him the work you have done to make things better, but that you are stuck with thinking the core issue remains that you are a woman.

This requires great courage, especially if the man is in a position of power over you and your job. I sincerely believe that it is a risk worth taking, as the benefits from being forthright about problems and issues can be enormous.

Be prepared for a shocked expression from the man, often followed by nervous laughter about how ridiculous the accusation is (and men feel it is an accusation, not a comment). You may hear some feedback that shocks you about how you are perceived, and how you act. Accept it graciously and give it serious consideration.

Be prepared that this conversation ultimately could mean the end of your career in this company. Taking risks does not always have a result that we want or expect. But inaction, silence and worry have no chance of making anything better.

If you have this conversation you will know if the situation can be improved, or if it cannot. Then you will have an informed choice to make - to continue working at the problem, or to move on.

And, in the meantime, the original situation at least will have changed. Now both of you will have to deal with it.

Copyright © 1998, 1999 by D.E. Summerville. All rights reserved.

The advice and suggestions in the Women in Business column are solely those of the author. DC Web Women assumes no responsibility for its content.

Back to Top