Business operates on a set of rules designed to ensure that we do not confuse business with our personal life. Knowing the difference between home and work is vital to a balanced and successful career and life.

And yet, at some time we all have to "ask" for a raise. Isn't that curious?

The word ask seems more appropriate to a personal setting, yet the business process is called asking for a raise. This seemingly innocent use of semantics, asking for a raise, sets a tone that puts women at a disadvantage. To ask is defined as to inquire or to demand. Certainly, inquiring does not have the same weight as demanding, nor does it have the same result.

In our culture, for generations women have been more comfortable with, or have been expected to be more comfortable with, inquiring rather than demanding. Inquiring is tagged with the feeling that someone else has the power to give. Men have been more comfortable with, or have been expected to be more comfortable with, demanding rather than inquiring. Demanding is tagged with the feeling that oneself has the power to get.

This gender distinction influences how women approach seeking a raise. If women do not prepare for seeking a raise as if it were a demand, rather than an inquiry, they will always fall short. Just apply this inquire/demand analogy to any other situation in life -- prepare to inquire about something, or prepare to demand something -- and you will see the striking difference in the preparation required, and likely in the result achieved.

If you want a raise, work the business process. Learn about the forces that drive this process, such as the economy, the marketplace, profit and loss, budget, and ego. Study them. Understand how they each influence your own situation. Armed with this knowledge, develop a plan. (I have summarized key components of a good plan below.)

Base your plan on the facts, and not on ephemeral wants. Highlight the benefits to the company.

Women need to change their attitude about seeking a raise. Women in business should not inquire about what they may, or may not, be given. Women in business also should not demand what they can make no business case for having earned.

The most effective approach is to blend the courtesy of an inquiry with the impact of a demand. Taking the best from both approaches to asking is what gets the finest result.

Copyright © 1998, 1999 by D.E. Summerville. All rights reserved.

The advice and suggestions in the Women in Business column are solely those of the author. DC Web Women assumes no responsibility for its content.

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