No life is lived without making mistakes.

Mistakes are as common in business as they are in life. There are small mistakes with essentially no consequences, and there are large mistakes with absolutely tremendous consequences, and there are the range of mistakes and consequences in between these extremes.

What is to be done about mistakes?

The best course of action is, of course, to avoid them. Good, basic tools to avoid mistakes are thought, preparation, reflection, and action. I cannot recall even one mistake that I have made that could not have been avoided with greater attention to thought, preparation, reflection, and action.

But, the true key to avoiding mistakes is when to apply which of these basic tools, and in what order to do so. Common sense, integrity, and experience are the guideposts that sort out this challenge. But at best, avoiding mistakes is hard, unrelenting, life-long work.

At times, we all fail in the effort and we make mistakes. The hurtful consequences of mistakes are legion. Innocent people are hurt, often unwittingly. Trust is altered. Business is affected. Careers, and lives, are upended. And we, the mistake-makers, are left with the aftermath.

When we make a mistake we often experience out-of-our-control consequences to our work, to our careers, and to ourselves. It can feel like the contents of Pandora’s Box have been unleashed on our souls. And like Pandora, we unleashed the troubles by our own hand.

Sometimes the repercussions for mistakes are or seem more severe for women than for men. But, the most anguish and the most damage to women are self-inflicted. Women suffer intensely, and typically non-productively, from their mistakes. Most men do better.

I think that women, for many reasons, do not expect to make mistakes. When they do, they handle their mistakes with emotion and excess penance, but typically not with analysis and evaluation. Because of this incomplete reaction, women fail to benefit from mistakes, as they should. Most men have learned to react better and women have to catch up.

Making mistakes is a gender neutral, human condition. Working the aftermath of mistakes is a learned skill. It is time for women to learn to direct this aftermath into a forgiving human experience, and a productive business process.

The first step is to take an honest personal inventory and assess the mistake: how was it made; what errors occurred; who was harmed? Next, examine the consequences to yourself; to fellow workers; to the company; and to customers. Then, define restitution and what can be fixed and how to fix it.

After the thinking, act. Admit errors; avoid excuses; renounce any blame but your own; apologize sincerely to anyone affected; and make restitution as best you can.

Learn what to change and change it. Add the mistake to your experience, and enhance your judgment with it.

When you finish this work, let the mistake go, and move on.

The letting go is especially hard for women. Women do not forgive themselves easily. They spend too much time fretting without purpose, and paralyze themselves with too much grief over making a mistake. This erodes confidence, which sets women up to make more mistakes. The vicious cycle perpetuates itself, over and over.

My advice to women in business is to expect that you will make mistakes, because you will. Use every tool you can to avoid them. Set your goals high, seek excellence, and strive relentlessly for perfection. These are at the heart of a good and productive life.

But, when you make a mistake, as you absolutely will, commit yourself to completing the whole process of recovery: assess; think; act; learn; and move on. Humble your ego, but don’t destroy it. Forgive yourself.

When poor, frightened Pandora quickly shut the lid on the box from which had escaped so many troubles, there was still one thing left inside. So, no matter how big your mistake and its consequences, or how empty you may feel inside because of it, just like Pandora you still have one thing left to comfort you.

Hope.

Use hope to restore your balance. And use your new skills to nurture growth from the aftermath of your mistakes.

Copyright © 1998, 1999 by D.E. Summerville. All rights reserved.

The advice and suggestions in the Women in Business column are solely those of the author. DC Web Women assumes no responsibility for its content.

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