Generations

As the list talks about the change from Grrls to Women, and prepares for the wonderful Take Our Daughters to the Net day, my mind has unexpectedly connected the two events, and reached back to remember a woman I worked with over twenty years ago. Her name was Ruth.

At the time I worked with her, I was what you are now: a new generation of smart, savvy, women in business, unhesitatingly embracing technology and relishing change. She was nearly forty years my senior, just an ordinary woman working for a living, and struggling to understand new technology and to cope with constant change.

I liked her, in a distant, respectful way. I thought she was much too deferential, especially to the men in power. I am not proud to admit that I also thought she was -- slow. Rumor had it that she was being "kept on" just so that she could earn her retirement in two years.

I was given the assignment to teach the staff to use the new word processing equipment. I thought it was a horrible job but I did not have a choice. I set about organizing a curriculum and converting people – well actually, of course it was just women -- one by one. I waited until the end to teach Ruth. My youthful arrogance assumed that with Ruth I was in for a challenging experience.

At least I got that part right.

Ruth told me about how hard it had been for her to learn to use the first facsimile machine in the office. She told me she had to struggle to remember which way to put the paper on the roller to send or receive a fax. How she had to concentrate to put the phone receiver in the ear couplet at just the right moment after dialing the phone. I, of course, was dumbstruck at the illogic of such thinking.

Slowly, and with just a little extra patience on my part, Ruth eventually mastered the technology, and adapted to yet another change in a long life as a woman in business. I got an enormous sense of pride from her success.

As we worked together I saw that Ruth was not – slow – that she had a sharp mind. What I took for lack of intelligence was really just a lack of vocabulary and skill set for the changing environment. Armed with these tools, Ruth thrived. I thought it was amazing.

My role as teacher was short-lived, once the basics were conquered, and Ruth usurped it. I learned that she had always been an independent woman, who worked for a living and had never married by choice. I learned that her "deference" to men in power was simply her unfailing natural courtesy, regardless of provocation.

I learned that she had been required to swallow prejudice in the workplace to pay her bills. I learned that she chafed under the "Ruth" and "Mr. So and So" arrangement, but had no power to change it. I learned that she had a truly wicked sense of humor.

I had only thought of Ruth in terms of what she did not know. I had presumed my technical superiority permitted dismissing her as a relic of another age. I had felt that my activism and modern expertise made her life unimportant to me, since I would hardly be following in her footsteps.

What I had actually done, was to make a fool of myself.

Twenty-some years later I understand that Ruth taught me things far more significant than my teaching her the mastery of word processing.

Ruth taught me about generations. How every woman struggles in her own time and place, against hurdles unrecognizable to younger women. Despite the generations, Ruth and I had a lot in common as women. And, despite appearances, Ruth and I had more common threads than we had contrasts.

She taught me that any differences between generations of women should be bonds, and not barriers.

Just as you lovingly reach out to young girls, think a moment of Ruth, and reach back to the other generations of women in your life. Women like Ruth, with richly textured lives and wisdom to share, are everywhere. With the wonderful zest of the young, offer to teach them, as you offer to teach the girls, the vocabulary and skills of the new technology. Be patient, and you will learn much more than you can ever teach.

Generations of women working together, each helping the other to master new challenges, is a rich, satisfying, and truly wonderful experience. Take your mothers and aunts and grandmothers to the Net with you and your daughters and your nieces.

Do not forget that regardless of the woman you are today, every woman will likely become Ruth in some not-so-distant-tomorrow.

Start your generations work today. Reach back as well as forward. It will make you a better, stronger, smarter woman. Knowing where women have been makes it easier to get where women need to go. Use the Net as your connection.

It can also be fun.

My own daughter scoops me up in the infinite patience of her arms, flings me along the cyber highway, and shouts vocabulary words as we make the journey together.

We have a maddeningly good time of it!

Copyright © 1998, 1999 by D.E. Summerville. All rights reserved.

The advice and suggestions in the Women in Business column are solely those of the author. DC Web Women assumes no responsibility for its content.

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