Office Romance Follow Up

Despite the fact that office romance can be tough on everyone, it is likely to increase in the workplace. Women (and men) simply do not have other social opportunities to meet a romantic partner. The long hours spent at the workplace shrink the pool of candidates even further.

The separation of work and home is blurred by the reality of today’s workplace. The shared goals, tribulations, and pressures of working together foster a compelling sense of intimacy among coworkers. We open our hearts to care about each other, and it is human nature that caring sometimes snares other powerful feelings with it. Shared adversaries and shared challenges are also great aphrodisiacs.

There is a push and pull of head and heart when romance enters the workplace mix. Some people do work out this conflict successfully, but most people do not.

Be careful, know the consequences, and make good choices. Certainly easier said than done, but still the best advice about office romance.

"I know personally for me, I was interested in a co-worker. I felt he was interested in me as well. However, neither of us let on to the other since we worked in a small company (about 10 people) and now later I've found it was due largely to both of our concerns about having an office romance. Now over a year later we are starting a relationship, though I now work for another company in another state than him. But we both admit not to starting the relationship then because neither of us was sure how an office romance would work. What if the relationship went bad, then how do you act? Do you hide it from your other co-workers? Could you hide it in a small company? What if you are talking business or doing business lunches, are co-workers thinking it isn't business? It was a hard issue, so we both avoided it…"

I think if they keep stuff off hours and away from the office (no getting vertical on the xerox machine, etc.), then it is fine. I do think you risk a lot by flaunting the relationship in front of co-workers/bosses. Then it gives them an excuse for why you may not be performing up to their expectations and they tend to analyze you more to see if there is something to look at or question.

I work within the same company as my husband (hey, we're newlyweds. . . it still counts as romance!). Its net effect thus far, other than being subject of some humor and curiosity around the office, is to cause us to be very aware of our effect upon one another. We've had to set up some basic ground rules, including things like never working on the same project and not interfering on either one's behalf. It's an odd setting: we carpool into work together on days that we can, but we have to turn on the business-side and be very aware of how we interact. Eventually, I'm expecting that the company will feel too small for both of us to be there, that we won't be able to avoid affecting one another. When that time occurs, we'll have to figure out which one of us is exiting.

Lately, we've had a little bit of fun. Our company's temporarily run out of office space and has started pairing folks up in offices. The admin staff started broaching the topic of my husband and I sharing an office, apparently figuring that, since we're already married, this would be a perfect pairing. I'm not a big fan of this idea. . . we've worked too hard to keep ourselves separate…. After repeated tags on the topic, with each of us replying that we didn't think it'd be a good idea, my husband finally said, "OK. But you're not going to mind when we shut the door? Oh, and we'd like to move the futon into our office as well." Oddly enough, we haven't heard anymore about it.

I saw my boss and a coworker in a serious lip lock! This was not a casual peck, it was some passionate thing going on. I am sure they didn’t want anyone to know but now I do. Like it said, no matter how "discreet" you think you are, people will know. I just can’t help wonder how this influences the decisions that get made.

I met my husband at work and we were open about dating. We became engaged and eventually married, both keeping our same jobs. No one in the company ever said anything at all to us about it one way or the other. We had to work together on projects and I sometimes had to take sides against him on some problems that came up. It was horrible. Although I worked there three years, I left. It was too hard for me on my job and on my marriage.

I have yet to find a job where one, at least one, hot romance wasn't taking place. Some of them worked out well for the interested parties and some did not. For those that did - good for them. For those that did not - too bad. For all other work place employees - it's fun in the beginning and a pain afterward. Everyone likes to see love blossom, especially when it's happening to people you care about. What turns it all into a pain is when favoritism or the implication of favoritism enters into the picture.

Do what you will, with whomever you choose, just keep it out of the workplace.

Copyright © 1998, 1999 by D.E. Summerville. All rights reserved.

The advice and suggestions in the Women in Business column are solely those of the author. DC Web Women assumes no responsibility for its content.

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