The Boss: Feedback on the Series

The following are some comments received on the Women in Business series "The Boss."

The best bosses, men and women, share themselves with the next tier below them. This is very important, as it helps those shared with to understand how the boss thinks and why. If you want to do your very best for a boss you need to know how the boss thinks, otherwise you end up guessing every time a new situation arises. You gain that perspective by knowing more about the boss than just work.

I was thinking that maybe the actions of a "boss" have nothing to do with gender; perhaps it's all about personalities? Certain types seem to rise to the top more often than others, which would explain why women and men act similar. Having said that and recognizing that personality tendencies can be controlled, perhaps men and women are pressured by society to "act" a certain way and therefore they work hard to suppress those traits that are considered less "desirable" for their gender. Men are under more pressure to portray the characteristics of a "boss" type, while women are more frequently taught to tone down any such characteristics. Personality or gender? The debate continues...

In the environment we were in it could easily have been a sexual harassment situation, but in this particular case I knew it was not. I figured that she just didn't have a clue.

I told her that I appreciated her interest in me as a person outside of work but that when she patted me on the head, pulled my hair, and called me cute in front of coworkers I felt like a four year old and didn't think it did anything good for my professional image in the workplace.

Her jaw dropped open and she started crying and apologizing profusely, saying that she had NO idea, she was terribly sorry. She added that she was very, very grateful that I told her the way I told her so she could correct her behavior, which I'm happy to say that she did. Not just for me alone, either -- she became more respectful to everyone after that.

Happy ending, the morals of which are, when you have to address an annoying situation that isn't of a physical, threatening nature:

1. Calm down. 2. Think out what you want to say. 3. Check to make sure that you're not in left field. 4. Address the situation in a way that preserves the dignity of both of you (i.e., with the door closed).

I'm a…professional female, and I'd just like to weigh in as saying I've had good male bosses and bad male bosses. But I've NEVER had a good female boss. Never, ever. And believe me, I am totally chagrined and disgusted by this. But I have found women to be petty, manipulative, territorial, emotional, make everything into a very personal you-vs-me thing, you name it. It seems as though most women can't handle direct confrontation, but they have NO problem attacking from behind ...passive-aggressive to the max.

I've had such counter-intuitive experiences. In my current position--I never got good results until I started insulting my boss. I still don't understand it. Maybe he's a masochist. Maybe he likes being yelled at. Can't explain it, but since I've been "brassy" (Alycia's word) I've gotten promotions, visibility, and a better working relationship. Not sure I'd recommend giving this as advice, but it has worked.

I've had bosses and been the boss, and there's nothing harder to deal with than the psychotic…It would be helpful to review how to identify a psychotic boss and how to deal with the psycho until you find another job, or another boss.

I hold fast to my belief that every boss is human first and boss second. If you can find a way to appeal to the human side of him/her, or at least to identify with that aspect of the boss, you will have gone a long way towards eliminating a lot of the crap that separates you from the boss, and, as a result, will find yourself in a much better position mentally in your dealings with that boss.

I am currently a "Boss"…I do strive for excellence in leadership, consistency (the toughest one for me), and compassion and the results are that I have the wonderful pleasure of managing the best team in the business of Internet development.

While I agree in general with the concept that it's the employee's responsibility to accommodate, accept, and, essentially, "manage" one's boss, I think it's very, very important to temper this with perspective...Not every boss merits blind respect and deference, and I think it's vital to stress that employees try to recognize the difference and seek assistance in their relationship management when necessary. It is the employee's responsibility to show respect and act professionally - not to constantly absorb and repress the anxiety and doubt that the poor attitude or management abilities of their boss may cause.

Copyright © 1998, 1999 by D.E. Summerville. All rights reserved.

The advice and suggestions in the Women in Business column are solely those of the author. DC Web Women assumes no responsibility for its content.

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